Stepparent Adoption Mistakes to Avoid

Adoption doesn’t have to be daunting when you know what to watch out for. Here are the most common mistakes families make and the steps you can take to avoid them. 

1. Not knowing who has legal rights to the child. 

This may seem obvious, but it is often overlooked: an adoption requires the consent of the child’s legal parents. Legal parentage for the person who gives birth is usually straightforward. For any other parent to have legal rights in Oregon, one of four conditions must be met: they were married to the birth parent at or within 300 days before the birth, are listed on the birth certificate, signed a Voluntary Acknowledgment of Parentage, or obtained a court order establishing parentage. 

I have had many wonderful stepdads call me, eager to adopt their stepchild, worried about obtaining consent from a biological father, only to learn that no legal parent-child relationship exists with that person, and the mother is the sole legal parent. This often speeds up the process considerably. On the other hand, I have seen families caught off guard by the marriage presumption and forced to involve an estranged ex-husband they never expected to be part of the adoption. 

Bottom line: Before you begin the adoption process, confirm who the legal parents are. Mistakes here can either needlessly complicate your adoption or prevent avoidable delays. 

2. Not following through with ODHS. 

The Oregon Department of Human Services (ODHS) plays a role in the adoption process that is just as significant as the circuit court. ODHS has the authority to stop an adoption for failure to comply with even a single required form or procedure, including ICWA verification. In many cases, ODHS also imposes additional requirements, such as obtaining ICWA lineage documentation from presumed biological or nonlegal fathers, even when the court might not otherwise require that information. 

Many families focus on the court side of an adoption and underestimate the ODHS process. In practice, failing to navigate ODHS requirements is often a much bigger mistake than anything that happens in court. 

3. Underestimating service. 

Consent of a legal parent can be waived by the court in certain situations, such as when that parent has deserted or neglected the child. Because of this, many parents are eager to explain that the biological father has not been involved and no one has heard from him in years. While this may support a future request to waive consent, the court still requires that the parent be located, served, and notified of the adoption proceedings. 

In many cases, serving a missing parent takes just as long as the rest of the legal process combined. The more information you can provide to your attorney about where the missing parent might be, the better. If all reasonable efforts to locate and serve the parent have been exhausted, you may be able to request an order for alternative service, such as service by publication in a newspaper. 

Do not make the mistake of assuming the process becomes easier when a parent is missing. It only becomes easier after proper service has been completed. 

4. Spending time or money on unnecessary steps. 

There are many things the court or ODHS may require during an adoption, but it is rare that they require everything available to them. For example, some families try to “get ahead of the game” by ordering a home study early, thinking it will speed things up. In reality, if the child has lived with the adoptive stepparent for more than six months and there are no significant concerns on the ODHS background check, a motion to waive the home study can often save thousands of dollars and is typically granted without a hearing. 

Similarly, Oregon law includes a 90-day waiting period between filing the adoption petition and finalization. However, the court has discretion to waive this waiting period for good cause. Many families simply wait out the 90 days, not realizing that a waiver could allow them to finalize much sooner. 

Do not assume that everything that could be required in an adoption will be required in your adoption. With the right guidance, you can avoid unnecessary costs, delays, and steps that do not apply to your case. 

5. Sweating the small stuff.  

Sometimes small issues arise that make your case feel less than ideal. It is important to remember that you do not need a “perfect” case to succeed in a stepparent adoption. For example, some parents worry that a brief, chance encounter between the child and the legal father ruins their claim of abandonment. In reality, ORS 109.324(3) protects against this concern by stating that incidental contact does not defeat a finding of neglect or desertion. 

Parents also often worry that notifying a grandparent of a missing legal parent will disrupt the adoption. However, ORS 109.332 allows a grandparent to seek involvement and visitation only if they can show, among other requirements, that a substantial preexisting relationship with the child exists. Simply notifying them does not automatically create a barrier to adoption. 

Before stressing that a small detail may derail your adoption, take a breath and speak with your attorney. Many issues that feel concerning can be addressed, overcome, or may not be a problem at all. 

If you’re ready to start your stepparent adoption, let’s make sure it’s done right from the start. 

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